At 1/5/24 05:11 AM, PerKGrok wrote:

At 1/4/24 05:15 PM, Potartz wrote: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/potartz/brass-angels

Congratulations on submitting your first full comic.

The panel layout is good. You have a good readable font. The reading flow is good.

The plot is good. You can do things with that kind of plot. Hard boiled gangster, film noir, kind of stuff.

Your art and your story-telling using the comic book media, is not up to that ... yet.

Your art is very sketchy, don't have enough establishing images and it is not driving the story. The story is almost only told through text and the art is not adding much. With a comic you would want the art to be the primary element of the story telling. Dialog the second and other text the third.

You also need to slow down the story telling. For example, evolve why the gangsters are so horrible that they need to be killed.

A scene where Callie contact the "no name gun for hire" could have been a good way to start the story. Does "no name" have an office, like a PI and Calli come there to hire her? Or they meet in a bar? Or "no name" could be at the shooting range, showing off some fancy shooting. That could be interesting backdrops for a dialog where Callie through dialog can tell why she wants to hire "no name".

There is a lot of things you could add to the story to make it more interesting.

You have a long way to go, but you have a start. I hope I have not discourage you, and that you will go on making comics.